Kelly: I woke one morning, eyes bloodshot and wanting to tell the world to fuck off.
Captain Grief (CG): Oh strong start, you got this.
Kelly: Thanks. Over my yogurt and granola the littlest Ginger came upstairs by himself, got under the blanket and let me smooch and hug him to my heart’s delight!
CG: Gross…but good.
Kelly: Then when I filled a bowl with a modest amount of Cheerios with the promise of hot chocolate he started screaming about the meagre contents, threw the bowl and then threw everything in reach when I put him in time out.
CG: Funny…I mean bad.
Kelly: I went to the dentist and…
CG: discovered that you have superhero-halitosis?
Kelly: No jerk squad clean bill of health! But I was told my allowance for dental coverage had run out in 2023 and I owed $400.
CG: Sucks to be you.
Kelly: Wow, you really don’t have a single empathetic bone in your body.
CG: Sure I do they’re just buried way deep UNDER THE MUSCLES (she growls, flexing her biceps.)
Kelly: Shut up meathead don’t rain on my parade!
CG: (Sweeps cape in an overdone apologetic bow) forgive me your majesty splutter on.
Kelly: Excellent, because this is where it gets good! After of course they asked me how I was and I burst into tears. They let me take a sticker from the toy chest that said “trust your journey,” gave me water set me down and promised to follow me on social media!
CG: Cheese. And hun?
Kelly: For the event I just booked that I haven’t told you about. We have a date for a June book launch!!
CG: Whooo hoooo! (Flys around the room!)
Kelly: Yes! Iguana Publishing will be there to sell my book, I am putting a team together to make superhero cupcakes, there will be musical accompaniment and a special guest.
CG: Holy hamburgers grief-oh you didn’t waste much time!
Kelly: Yes I am relishing the success I wanted to catch you up on!
CG: Barf.
Kelly: Sometimes puns must happen! Anyhow this is all just to tell you we have some super exciting stuff lined up for June when The High-Flying Adventures of Captain Grief will launch itself into the world.
CG: Wow. Finally (sniffs).
Kelly: I know many years coming. I was afraid it would never happen but here we are and we did it!
CG: Damn skippy. Only took a few years of prodding.
Kelly: Whatever you were more interested in your Piña Coladas. Speaking of which our little gang is going to Cuba!
CG: And you didn’t invite me you little shit!
Kelly: Not unless you want to babysit the kids. (CG is glassy eyed).
CG: No thanks.
Kelly: Didn’t think so. Anyways I will raise a toast in coconut shells to us and all the amazingly giving and talented friends we have!
CG: Yeah (sniffing).
Kelly: And for all the love and encouragement my family and friends have given me in the last 11 years to thrive and create in this new life.
CG: Totes (blowing nose on cape).
Kelly: And to everyone I love and care about I am so grateful for the way they have supported me. And to learn that even if I expect nothing I can still hope for everything!
CG: (Hiccoughs loudly, bursts into tears and falls to the floor sobbing.)
Kelly: Oh, boy gotta go clean that up. Anyway until next time superhero fans, more on the book launch and other exciting things later.
Kelly and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good but Also Really Great Day